


The Whole Package

by bluejay_unit



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Banter, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:15:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22204675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejay_unit/pseuds/bluejay_unit
Summary: David insists that Patrick is pretty.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 15
Kudos: 289





	The Whole Package

“ _Fuck_ , you’re pretty,” David says, tossing the hand towel on the floor and falling back into bed next to Patrick. Patrick’s laying with his arms folded behind his head, dazed.

“What?” Patrick asks, startled.

“Wha- What d’you mean, _what_?”

“You called me pretty,” Patrick answers in a small voice.

“Yeah? I’ve complimented you before, it’s not that rare…Unless this about that word? Because I’m sorry if that’s too effeminate or whatever, but honestly, you’ve got to get over that because that’s not a bad thing to be, and you are pretty.” David pulls the sheet back up.

“No, that’s not it, that’s fine,” Patrick says, on a breath of a laugh. “Although no one’s called me that specifically before, but… You don’t have to say these things back just because I say them to you. I know I’m not the more attractive half of this relationship, David, it’s fine.”

“ _What?!_ ” David sits bolt upright.

“It’s not a big deal! This isn’t some big insecurity, I just, you know, compared to _you_ …” Patrick placates.

“And how did you come to this conclusion?” David asks, gesturing animatedly.

“Uh, I have eyes?” Patrick smirks, drawing a hand up David’s thigh over the sheet. “And a ridiculously hot boyfriend.”

“No. No? Excuse me, no.”

Patrick frowns. “David, you know you’re—,”

“Oh yes, I know, my vanity hasn’t failed me now, thank you,” David says, putting up a hand to still his words. “But you! You’re, you…Hmph.” He blows out a sigh, sinking back into the pillows a bit, gazing at Patrick for a long moment. Patrick turns on his side to face him.

“I used to sleep with celebrities and models,” David starts.

“Just what every guy wants to hear after sex,” Patrick retorts, though this isn’t news to him. David shoots him a look.

“I _mean_ , I’ve been with people who were… _keenly_ aware that they looked good. They had hordes of people telling them they were beautiful. So sometimes I forget that you haven’t had that, and it’s a shame, really. Truly, it's a crime, because, pshh...” He blows air out, gesturing towards Patrick’s whole…everything. “But that’s why I’m so baffled sometimes! Because you don’t seem to like, _fully_ grasp how gorgeous you are.”

Patrick smiles, a bit bashfully. He half-hides his face in the pillow, but still peeks up at David.

“Like—see? Like that!” David exclaims, really getting into his monologue now. “You’re the cutest fucking thing I’ve _ever seen_ , I really can’t get over it. And you’re _hot_ too, and it’s just not fair for someone to be both.”

“And how do I compare to all those models in… other ways?” Patrick asks.

David manages not to roll his eyes. “Let’s just say you’d be amazed how much a nasty personality can ruin good looks.”

Patrick snorts. “Ok, I guess that makes the answer pretty clear,” he responds lowly, folding his arms over his chest.

“It should!” David turns aggressively on his side, laying a hand gently over Patrick’s arm. “Listen, I meant it when I said I’d never been with anyone nice. I can’t explain the difference it makes that you pay attention to what I say and actually, like, care about me as a person. You’re from a small town full of wholesome people, you don’t know how rare that is.”

Patrick’s gaze softens, and he laces their fingers together, leaving David’s other hand free to continue gesturing.

“Besides, being attractive is like 90 percent being confident and capable and nice, and 10 percent looks. And you’re the whole package, anyway. Like the wise words I heard from someone, who, for the sake of my sanity, we will be pretending wasn’t Alexis, ‘ _It’s not what you have, it’s how you use it_ ’.” David says, leaning over Patrick to whisper the last part seductively.

Patrick laughs. “Oh, I see, so you’re saying I’m good at sex.”

“Amongst many other things, yes! It’s not my fault you’re only focusing on that part!”

“Ok, David,” Patrick smiles, hands settling on David’s waist above him. “And I suppose you’re qualified to make a definitive ruling on this.”

“I’m not an expert in everything,” David says magnanimously. “If there’s someone more qualified on a topic, you should ask them. But in my areas of expertise, my opinion is as good as fact. So yes, you should absolutely listen to me when I tell you which romantic comedies deserved their awards, or what colors match your skin tone, or all the reasons why you’re amazing.”

Patrick looks up at him, warmth flooding his eyes now.

“What?” David asks, lips curling upwards.

Patrick looks like he tries to say something, then just shakes his head, reaches up to take David’s face in his hands and guides him down for a kiss. It’s extra nice because David recognizes that as his own trick to get out of responding when Patrick says something really sweet to him. It’s nice to know he can make his normally well-spoken, unflappable boyfriend feel that way too.


End file.
